Fear of Self

One of the things that held me back for a long time was fear of myself. I spent two years reading about and researching Witchcraft before I got the guts to actually start practicing. I was afraid of my own power.

The idea that I could use my mind and energy to control a situation or otherwise influence the world around me was scary. What if I did something wrong and made something bad happen? What if I accidentally hurt someone or myself? Or worse yet, what if there was a darkness hiding in me that managed to get out?

I didn't trust myself. Not one bit. And that doesn't mix well with Witchcraft at all. One of the biggest powers in Witchcraft is belief; in yourself, in your power, in your magick, in your ability to accomplish what you're attempting. But I didn't have that.

For a while I had a recurring dream that a menacing figure (which I now know to represent my fear of myself) was coming after me. It chased me everywhere and was constantly gaining ground no matter how fast I ran. Finally, I tried facing it. I stood up to it and used some sort of defensive spell that got out of hand. Storms began raging in the sky, floods closed in and squandered all of the life around me. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out how to undo the damage I had caused. I had unleashed power that had gotten out of hand and grew far beyond my control. My fear projection just laughed at me.

It was after this dream that I knew I had to make some changes. In the next year, I spent time carefully getting to know myself and coming to terms with who I truly am. It wasn't until then that I realized there was nothing to fear, and I finally felt ready to begin practicing.

I am now seeing this same problem a lot in people who are looking to get into the Craft as a beginner. They fear that they may not be fully in control, or that they might do something wrong and cause unintended harm somewhere. I'm sure it's been this way for a number of newcomers since the beginning of time, but I'm just now seeing that I wasn't alone in harboring this fear when I started.

It is my belief that in order to successfully practice Witchcraft, you must be very familiar and comfortable with yourself. If you aren't, your self-doubt will get in the way and sabotage you and everything you try to do. Nothing will work because deep down, you don't want it to (for fear that it will go wrong). Just remember that Witchcraft is extremely personal, and you can do it entirely your way. Know that your intent and belief is what fuels it, so get to know yourself and what your intentions are. Practice meditation, keep a journal, pay attention to what your inner self says to you.